Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
