I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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