I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just had sex on a roof
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
