If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
