i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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