the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
