1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Please, let me fuck your mom
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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