Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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