I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I have already put on my inside pants.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
