I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
