Don't you send me to vm
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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