I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
