It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bet he comes in French.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize