I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
