All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
