Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
