So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
