Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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