Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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