Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
