My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
