i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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