Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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