I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Every concussion has its silver lining
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize