i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
