turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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