God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
