How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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