Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
