I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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