We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
either way he was missing a nipple.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When are your genitals available?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
