U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I will pee on everything he values.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
