i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Randomize
