i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
