could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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