so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
