I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
