Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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