why didn't you poke me back
tell your sister to shave her snatch
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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