Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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