The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Vodka?
Forever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
