I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
