So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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