The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
