Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
