Are we in a gay sports bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
