I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My penis needs a shock collar
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
is that a dick in a sweater?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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