Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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