I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I skipped work to stalk him.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
