my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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