I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
