You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Randomize
