doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
