I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
