I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
