You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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