I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
