You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
