Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
