I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
