I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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