butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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