Christians are straight up FREAKS
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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